Monday, May 18, 2009

my grandfather

so i found out today that my grandfather died on friday night. it's sad, don't get me wrong, but i can't feel anything about it. (the disclaimer for this blog entry)
anyway, when my dad was young, his father, william, walked out on my grandmother and his 3 brothers, kevin, john, and dick (who has down syndrome). he left maryland and them for a classy young lady named phyllis, and never looked back. my grandfather was a purple heart recipient and was badly injured during the korean war, so i guess i can take some pride in that. basically, the "michaels" were kis throw-away family, a bump in the road of his life on his way to phyllis and her greener pastures. i mean, he payed alimony or whatever, but a check is hardly consolation for a real father. because of that, my dad remianed just above the poverty line, ended up in the wrong crowd, and basically raised hell for a little while. by God's grace, he found my mom in the military, and he also found Christ. years later, he is a better man because of his experiences. back to grandfather, he married phyllis, who already had a son, phillip, from a previous marriage. that was his new family, and he clearly let us know it. my grandmother kept us updated about him, and we had what we called "bill sightings". here comes the epitome of ironic. a few years ago, we saw a car in traffic with maryland purple heart plates and vietnam vet stickers. it was my grandfather. he was in town, or so we thought, and we didn't know for how long. my grandma confirmed it, and we thought it was just a bizarre happening. then, my parents saw him in the grocery store. bill sighting #something. my family moved into a house in a neighborhood close to my old one, and we soon discovered that my grandfather lived around the corner from us, with phillip and his family. phyllis had divorced william, and taken him for all of his money (sound familiar??). phillip took him in, and it seemed that he was hoping for some of his military retirement. williams had lung cancer from years of smoking, and was on down to his last few years of life. one night while driving home from dinner, my dad pulled the car over and said "kids, let's go meet your grandfater." i was 18, and i met my blood grandfather for the first and last time in my life. i couldn't even pick his face out of a crowd if i needed to. he lived 2 minutes away, and he was a complete stranger. he didn't even want us; my dad, or his grandchildren. that just floors me. i had trick or treated at phillip's house several times and i never knew who was right behind the door. never knew.
this morning, my mom seemed kind of sad so i asked her if everything was ok.
mom: your grandfather died on friday in hospice.
me: which one? (i was afraid it was my other "grandpa", aka my mom's oldest brother, who i am ashamed to say i love infinitely more than my real grandfater)
mom: william
me: oh, how did you find out?
mom: doug called me and told me he read it in the obituaries (doug craig is one of my mom's attourney clients and friends, he regularly reads the obits looking for old friends)
me: oh wow
mom: yeah, we weren't listed as his survivors. phillip's family was.

i still can't believe that phillip had the tenacity to list his "family" as blood relation to my grandfather. he isn't even related to william, he was just the step-son. he doesn't share william's blood or last name even. that is a story for another time. the worst part of all of this? my mom had to tell my dad that his father passed away over Skype while he is in the bahamas on business.
i never knew how i would feel when this happened, but now i know that is honestly something i'm glad i don't have to worry about. this is something way beyond my realm of understanding and reasoning. i don't even know if he's in heaven. i guess i'll find out one day.
so here's to william michael, who died on may 15, 2009. i don't know his birthday, so i can't make an official memorium post, but i wish i would have known. maybe my life would be different.

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