both since i've blogged on here, and also since i've felt this way.
things really couldn't be better...except things are falling apart.
you know that feeling?
the "so much it hurts" feeling?
i'm so there.
so don't cut any deeper than you already have.
it's killing me.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
lately (EMBER MCBEASLEY READ THIS.)
things have been really good.
and i haven't said that in a while.
like, it seems to me that everything is working out just like i thought it would.
it's amazing, but true!
and i hate it that part of my happiness is due to someone else being disappointed...
but it's out of my control.
take that however it sounds, but you'd really have to know the situation.
otherwise,
i really couldn't be happier.
plus, i got the cutest text last night...
it said, "you smell like flowers."
it made me giggle. :)
anywayyyy, classes are good, i had to drop one...
but that's because i don't want to fail biology.
i hope to tranfer to johnson bible college and to do so i need to bump up my gpa.
YIKES.
in other news, i got in a wreck the other day.
it was legit terrifying, but i'm ok...just cuts and bruises.
the end.
alsoo, going to see inglorious basterds tonight! STOKED.
PLUS i have to say something to ember mcbeasley.
i know i texted you like a week ago and told you we were going to hang out
and i never followed through.
i'm sooo sorry!
like seriously you're one of my best friends,
and i always want to have you around!
like you seriously get me. :)
i proooomise that we will hang out this week.
LOVE YOU MCBEASLEY.
and this really is the end.
so the end.
and i haven't said that in a while.
like, it seems to me that everything is working out just like i thought it would.
it's amazing, but true!
and i hate it that part of my happiness is due to someone else being disappointed...
but it's out of my control.
take that however it sounds, but you'd really have to know the situation.
otherwise,
i really couldn't be happier.
plus, i got the cutest text last night...
it said, "you smell like flowers."
it made me giggle. :)
anywayyyy, classes are good, i had to drop one...
but that's because i don't want to fail biology.
i hope to tranfer to johnson bible college and to do so i need to bump up my gpa.
YIKES.
in other news, i got in a wreck the other day.
it was legit terrifying, but i'm ok...just cuts and bruises.
the end.
alsoo, going to see inglorious basterds tonight! STOKED.
PLUS i have to say something to ember mcbeasley.
i know i texted you like a week ago and told you we were going to hang out
and i never followed through.
i'm sooo sorry!
like seriously you're one of my best friends,
and i always want to have you around!
like you seriously get me. :)
i proooomise that we will hang out this week.
LOVE YOU MCBEASLEY.
and this really is the end.
so the end.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
LOVE
is a fast song [copeland]
wins [rob bell]
is not a mystery, it's everything [common]
burns brighter than sunshine [aqualung]
is for the first time [dashboard confessional]
"So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
Where nobody leads at all,
Where nobody leads at all."
i guess i just have to believe.
wins [rob bell]
is not a mystery, it's everything [common]
burns brighter than sunshine [aqualung]
is for the first time [dashboard confessional]
"So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
Where nobody leads at all,
Where nobody leads at all."
i guess i just have to believe.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
confessions part 2
1. i am now a huge orlando fan, and dwight howard is my hero.
2. i'm changing my major to spite my advisor
3. i haven't slept before midnight in 3 weeks
4. i don't know if all this is worth it. i'm playing for keeps.
2. i'm changing my major to spite my advisor
3. i haven't slept before midnight in 3 weeks
4. i don't know if all this is worth it. i'm playing for keeps.
Friday, May 29, 2009
an excerpt from what i've been doing at night for the past 2 weeks.
(i've started writing a "novel" of sorts, which seems more like glorified journal entries about my life's "list", or all the things that have made me. here's #8, life goal #1, which should be read while listening to albertine by brooke fraser.)
#8 on my list/Life Goal #1/Brooke Fraser-Albertine
I’ve never ever wanted to be a teacher. I settled on it because it was the closest thing I could find to being a youth pastor. God has given me a heart, and I believe that He wants me to give it to high school students. I frequently visit my sister in school so I can socialize with high school kids. During my brief time in Young Life, I literally could not be happier. I loved going to musicals, soccer games, art exhibits, all in hopes that I could pour myself into one or two girls the way my mentor had done for me in high school. (she’s on the list too, but closer to #1, you’ll learn more about her later) I managed to connect with a few girls, some while I was still in high school, and a few afterwards. I know playing favorites is sinful, but my favorites were Rachel, Lisa, Michelle, and my sisters friends Caitlin, Jordan, and Anna. Rachel was this amazingly hip indie girl who is the most amazing girl I’ve met thus far in my life. By age 17, she had a belly ring, an industrial, and size 00 gauges. She had a great haircut. More than anything, she loved God, and she could care less about anything else. To her, anything else was irrelevant. She loved Gossip Girl, lavender ice cream, and cigarettes after sunset. She was my ministry for a while. While I was getting to know Rachel, Lisa came into my life. Lisa was awesome. She loved LOVED Chuck Klosterman, Manchester Orchestra, and bubble tea. She was everything I wish I would have been at her age. She knew what she wanted out of life, and she cut through all the crap everyone threw at her. She was smart, funny, and love was her religion. And then there was the girl I had known the longest, Michelle. Michelle was amazing, and was one of my first close friends in high school. Even though she was a year younger than me, I felt like we clicked the most.
All of my sisters’ friend will have their own chapter. All you need to know is they were great.
When I found out I wouldn’t be able to become a Young Life leader, I began volunteering at the Blitz junior high ministry at my church. At first I just made smoothies, then I began to lead a small group of amazing 7th grade girls. They certainly kept me in line, and I did the same for them. This is where I realized that I would be happy wherever I was as long as I was with kids at church. It could be anywhere. One night, I had a dream I was in Africa, and I woke up and changed my major. It wasn’t a drastic change, history to political science, but my end goal was to be a missionary. I love God so much, and I want to love people just as much. One of my favorite worship songs illustrates this perfectly. It went, “Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love as You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your kingdoms cause.”
Another song that totally goes there was written by an Aussie named Brooke Fraser, who also sang the aforementioned worship song. She penned “Albertine” after mission work. My favorite line goes like this: “Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead.” That’s it, in it’s most basic form. I’m thinking of just getting that printed on a business card along with my name and twitter url. I mean, all of the most vital information about my existence would literally be on one card. How convenient, right?
#8 on my list/Life Goal #1/Brooke Fraser-Albertine
I’ve never ever wanted to be a teacher. I settled on it because it was the closest thing I could find to being a youth pastor. God has given me a heart, and I believe that He wants me to give it to high school students. I frequently visit my sister in school so I can socialize with high school kids. During my brief time in Young Life, I literally could not be happier. I loved going to musicals, soccer games, art exhibits, all in hopes that I could pour myself into one or two girls the way my mentor had done for me in high school. (she’s on the list too, but closer to #1, you’ll learn more about her later) I managed to connect with a few girls, some while I was still in high school, and a few afterwards. I know playing favorites is sinful, but my favorites were Rachel, Lisa, Michelle, and my sisters friends Caitlin, Jordan, and Anna. Rachel was this amazingly hip indie girl who is the most amazing girl I’ve met thus far in my life. By age 17, she had a belly ring, an industrial, and size 00 gauges. She had a great haircut. More than anything, she loved God, and she could care less about anything else. To her, anything else was irrelevant. She loved Gossip Girl, lavender ice cream, and cigarettes after sunset. She was my ministry for a while. While I was getting to know Rachel, Lisa came into my life. Lisa was awesome. She loved LOVED Chuck Klosterman, Manchester Orchestra, and bubble tea. She was everything I wish I would have been at her age. She knew what she wanted out of life, and she cut through all the crap everyone threw at her. She was smart, funny, and love was her religion. And then there was the girl I had known the longest, Michelle. Michelle was amazing, and was one of my first close friends in high school. Even though she was a year younger than me, I felt like we clicked the most.
All of my sisters’ friend will have their own chapter. All you need to know is they were great.
When I found out I wouldn’t be able to become a Young Life leader, I began volunteering at the Blitz junior high ministry at my church. At first I just made smoothies, then I began to lead a small group of amazing 7th grade girls. They certainly kept me in line, and I did the same for them. This is where I realized that I would be happy wherever I was as long as I was with kids at church. It could be anywhere. One night, I had a dream I was in Africa, and I woke up and changed my major. It wasn’t a drastic change, history to political science, but my end goal was to be a missionary. I love God so much, and I want to love people just as much. One of my favorite worship songs illustrates this perfectly. It went, “Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love as You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your kingdoms cause.”
Another song that totally goes there was written by an Aussie named Brooke Fraser, who also sang the aforementioned worship song. She penned “Albertine” after mission work. My favorite line goes like this: “Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead.” That’s it, in it’s most basic form. I’m thinking of just getting that printed on a business card along with my name and twitter url. I mean, all of the most vital information about my existence would literally be on one card. How convenient, right?
confessions part one
not like the usher song.
a few fun ones, followed by a real one.
1. these are the first of many.
2. i am what you could call a lady gaga HATER.
3. i cheat at sudoku frequently. it happens.
4. my favorite ben folds song is losing lisa, jesusland and bastard are tied for second.
5. i would rather people love me because i am passive than hate me for being honest. if i weren't extra nice, or attepmted to be funny, i would be invisible. not only that, but i would have nothing to offer people.
a few fun ones, followed by a real one.
1. these are the first of many.
2. i am what you could call a lady gaga HATER.
3. i cheat at sudoku frequently. it happens.
4. my favorite ben folds song is losing lisa, jesusland and bastard are tied for second.
5. i would rather people love me because i am passive than hate me for being honest. if i weren't extra nice, or attepmted to be funny, i would be invisible. not only that, but i would have nothing to offer people.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
mr. pibb and red vines equals crazy delicious!
today
i spent:
6 hours sleeping
4 hours downtown with ember
1.5 hours trying to figure out how i'm going to pay to move out
and 2 hours worrying about paying for college.
and THEN i remembered that i can't lose HOPE until i have 30 hours.
would you believe failing a class is helping me now?
LOVE the irony.
also:
spent an hour or so working our my finances for the summer.
all of the paperwork i've been putting off for weeks,
and i finish it in 60 minutes.
when i try, i can focus! thank goodness for that.
AND...this=love
i spent:
6 hours sleeping
4 hours downtown with ember
1.5 hours trying to figure out how i'm going to pay to move out
and 2 hours worrying about paying for college.
and THEN i remembered that i can't lose HOPE until i have 30 hours.
would you believe failing a class is helping me now?
LOVE the irony.
also:
spent an hour or so working our my finances for the summer.
all of the paperwork i've been putting off for weeks,
and i finish it in 60 minutes.
when i try, i can focus! thank goodness for that.
AND...this=love
Thursday, May 21, 2009
at peace
all of the things my family has ever done has led me here.
my grandfather may not be the greatest example of family, but without him i wouldn't be here. if he would have stayed around, my dad would have gone to college, and he never would have met my mother. i'm so glad with my life right now! everything finally seems right again, and i can honestly thank God for all of it, the good and the bad.
oh, my God, shine Your light on us that we might live.
my grandfather may not be the greatest example of family, but without him i wouldn't be here. if he would have stayed around, my dad would have gone to college, and he never would have met my mother. i'm so glad with my life right now! everything finally seems right again, and i can honestly thank God for all of it, the good and the bad.
oh, my God, shine Your light on us that we might live.
Monday, May 18, 2009
my grandfather
so i found out today that my grandfather died on friday night. it's sad, don't get me wrong, but i can't feel anything about it. (the disclaimer for this blog entry)
anyway, when my dad was young, his father, william, walked out on my grandmother and his 3 brothers, kevin, john, and dick (who has down syndrome). he left maryland and them for a classy young lady named phyllis, and never looked back. my grandfather was a purple heart recipient and was badly injured during the korean war, so i guess i can take some pride in that. basically, the "michaels" were kis throw-away family, a bump in the road of his life on his way to phyllis and her greener pastures. i mean, he payed alimony or whatever, but a check is hardly consolation for a real father. because of that, my dad remianed just above the poverty line, ended up in the wrong crowd, and basically raised hell for a little while. by God's grace, he found my mom in the military, and he also found Christ. years later, he is a better man because of his experiences. back to grandfather, he married phyllis, who already had a son, phillip, from a previous marriage. that was his new family, and he clearly let us know it. my grandmother kept us updated about him, and we had what we called "bill sightings". here comes the epitome of ironic. a few years ago, we saw a car in traffic with maryland purple heart plates and vietnam vet stickers. it was my grandfather. he was in town, or so we thought, and we didn't know for how long. my grandma confirmed it, and we thought it was just a bizarre happening. then, my parents saw him in the grocery store. bill sighting #something. my family moved into a house in a neighborhood close to my old one, and we soon discovered that my grandfather lived around the corner from us, with phillip and his family. phyllis had divorced william, and taken him for all of his money (sound familiar??). phillip took him in, and it seemed that he was hoping for some of his military retirement. williams had lung cancer from years of smoking, and was on down to his last few years of life. one night while driving home from dinner, my dad pulled the car over and said "kids, let's go meet your grandfater." i was 18, and i met my blood grandfather for the first and last time in my life. i couldn't even pick his face out of a crowd if i needed to. he lived 2 minutes away, and he was a complete stranger. he didn't even want us; my dad, or his grandchildren. that just floors me. i had trick or treated at phillip's house several times and i never knew who was right behind the door. never knew.
this morning, my mom seemed kind of sad so i asked her if everything was ok.
mom: your grandfather died on friday in hospice.
me: which one? (i was afraid it was my other "grandpa", aka my mom's oldest brother, who i am ashamed to say i love infinitely more than my real grandfater)
mom: william
me: oh, how did you find out?
mom: doug called me and told me he read it in the obituaries (doug craig is one of my mom's attourney clients and friends, he regularly reads the obits looking for old friends)
me: oh wow
mom: yeah, we weren't listed as his survivors. phillip's family was.
i still can't believe that phillip had the tenacity to list his "family" as blood relation to my grandfather. he isn't even related to william, he was just the step-son. he doesn't share william's blood or last name even. that is a story for another time. the worst part of all of this? my mom had to tell my dad that his father passed away over Skype while he is in the bahamas on business.
i never knew how i would feel when this happened, but now i know that is honestly something i'm glad i don't have to worry about. this is something way beyond my realm of understanding and reasoning. i don't even know if he's in heaven. i guess i'll find out one day.
so here's to william michael, who died on may 15, 2009. i don't know his birthday, so i can't make an official memorium post, but i wish i would have known. maybe my life would be different.
anyway, when my dad was young, his father, william, walked out on my grandmother and his 3 brothers, kevin, john, and dick (who has down syndrome). he left maryland and them for a classy young lady named phyllis, and never looked back. my grandfather was a purple heart recipient and was badly injured during the korean war, so i guess i can take some pride in that. basically, the "michaels" were kis throw-away family, a bump in the road of his life on his way to phyllis and her greener pastures. i mean, he payed alimony or whatever, but a check is hardly consolation for a real father. because of that, my dad remianed just above the poverty line, ended up in the wrong crowd, and basically raised hell for a little while. by God's grace, he found my mom in the military, and he also found Christ. years later, he is a better man because of his experiences. back to grandfather, he married phyllis, who already had a son, phillip, from a previous marriage. that was his new family, and he clearly let us know it. my grandmother kept us updated about him, and we had what we called "bill sightings". here comes the epitome of ironic. a few years ago, we saw a car in traffic with maryland purple heart plates and vietnam vet stickers. it was my grandfather. he was in town, or so we thought, and we didn't know for how long. my grandma confirmed it, and we thought it was just a bizarre happening. then, my parents saw him in the grocery store. bill sighting #something. my family moved into a house in a neighborhood close to my old one, and we soon discovered that my grandfather lived around the corner from us, with phillip and his family. phyllis had divorced william, and taken him for all of his money (sound familiar??). phillip took him in, and it seemed that he was hoping for some of his military retirement. williams had lung cancer from years of smoking, and was on down to his last few years of life. one night while driving home from dinner, my dad pulled the car over and said "kids, let's go meet your grandfater." i was 18, and i met my blood grandfather for the first and last time in my life. i couldn't even pick his face out of a crowd if i needed to. he lived 2 minutes away, and he was a complete stranger. he didn't even want us; my dad, or his grandchildren. that just floors me. i had trick or treated at phillip's house several times and i never knew who was right behind the door. never knew.
this morning, my mom seemed kind of sad so i asked her if everything was ok.
mom: your grandfather died on friday in hospice.
me: which one? (i was afraid it was my other "grandpa", aka my mom's oldest brother, who i am ashamed to say i love infinitely more than my real grandfater)
mom: william
me: oh, how did you find out?
mom: doug called me and told me he read it in the obituaries (doug craig is one of my mom's attourney clients and friends, he regularly reads the obits looking for old friends)
me: oh wow
mom: yeah, we weren't listed as his survivors. phillip's family was.
i still can't believe that phillip had the tenacity to list his "family" as blood relation to my grandfather. he isn't even related to william, he was just the step-son. he doesn't share william's blood or last name even. that is a story for another time. the worst part of all of this? my mom had to tell my dad that his father passed away over Skype while he is in the bahamas on business.
i never knew how i would feel when this happened, but now i know that is honestly something i'm glad i don't have to worry about. this is something way beyond my realm of understanding and reasoning. i don't even know if he's in heaven. i guess i'll find out one day.
so here's to william michael, who died on may 15, 2009. i don't know his birthday, so i can't make an official memorium post, but i wish i would have known. maybe my life would be different.
Monday, April 13, 2009
so much has changed
since the last time i blogged.
i'm no longer a history major, and i'm not going to be a teacher.
i can't stop listening to death cab for cutie,
and i usually can't sleep at night.
everything is different, and it's hard.
i'm sure most college age people face this conundrum, but i feel so lost.
i'm no longer a history major, and i'm not going to be a teacher.
i can't stop listening to death cab for cutie,
and i usually can't sleep at night.
everything is different, and it's hard.
i'm sure most college age people face this conundrum, but i feel so lost.
Monday, February 16, 2009
on the subject of things i can never have...
GAHHH
so ridiculous.
anyways, i'm just trusting that it will work out.
because i like you a little. :)
and i love this...
i close my eyes and i see you wrapped in a sheet of sleep,
as everyone's eyes age, your deep blue remains untouched,
an angel's finger tips touch the surface,
an ocean of the bluest saline,
having some trouble trying not to feel so broken hearted,
i'll give my sorrow wings so that it will fly away from me,
but the sky will be so jealous of your eyes,
i'll give my misery sails so that the wind will carry it away,
but the ocean will be so jealous of your eyes,
this time we have found each other, i was looking for you when i got lost...
as you wet my lips with yours the sun rolls in,
everything has become so bright that i cannot even see,
to find your hand, so that you can not leave,winter whispers up my back,
and swirls over your stomach,my heart racing like it was two years ago,
i'd give up with one touch and melt into you forever,
having some trouble trying not to feel so alone without you,
i'll wrap my arms around you rest my head on your shoulder,
and wet your back with my tears,can't seem to find a way to be happy,
your kiss comes to me again like it never left,
like my paralysis slips away at the touch of your lips,
because i've never felt, until i felt you,
i close my eyes and see us wrapped in a sheet of sleep,
to be yours and to have you forever,
letting go of so much and holding on to so little,
i make you a promise and open my hand,
i can wait for you to reach for me,
as i wet the ground with my tears
i can always find myself in old school showbread.
so ridiculous.
anyways, i'm just trusting that it will work out.
because i like you a little. :)
and i love this...
i close my eyes and i see you wrapped in a sheet of sleep,
as everyone's eyes age, your deep blue remains untouched,
an angel's finger tips touch the surface,
an ocean of the bluest saline,
having some trouble trying not to feel so broken hearted,
i'll give my sorrow wings so that it will fly away from me,
but the sky will be so jealous of your eyes,
i'll give my misery sails so that the wind will carry it away,
but the ocean will be so jealous of your eyes,
this time we have found each other, i was looking for you when i got lost...
as you wet my lips with yours the sun rolls in,
everything has become so bright that i cannot even see,
to find your hand, so that you can not leave,winter whispers up my back,
and swirls over your stomach,my heart racing like it was two years ago,
i'd give up with one touch and melt into you forever,
having some trouble trying not to feel so alone without you,
i'll wrap my arms around you rest my head on your shoulder,
and wet your back with my tears,can't seem to find a way to be happy,
your kiss comes to me again like it never left,
like my paralysis slips away at the touch of your lips,
because i've never felt, until i felt you,
i close my eyes and see us wrapped in a sheet of sleep,
to be yours and to have you forever,
letting go of so much and holding on to so little,
i make you a promise and open my hand,
i can wait for you to reach for me,
as i wet the ground with my tears
i can always find myself in old school showbread.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
i forgotttt
to blog sunday
and i was sooo busy yesterday trying to study
so here are two of my favorite things ever
to make up for it
and i was sooo busy yesterday trying to study
so here are two of my favorite things ever
to make up for it
Saturday, January 24, 2009
blahh
i'm sick
i really think i've developed asthma or something. no lie.
i'm listening to dave barnes, and watching the office.
i'm starting downtown owl by chuck klosterman,
i'll tell you how it is.
downtown tomorrow with the padre,
after LOTS of bed rest.
baking cookies for angela on monday :)
i really think i've developed asthma or something. no lie.
i'm listening to dave barnes, and watching the office.
i'm starting downtown owl by chuck klosterman,
i'll tell you how it is.
downtown tomorrow with the padre,
after LOTS of bed rest.
baking cookies for angela on monday :)
to make up for not blogging before
here's one of my favorite songs ever
abilene by damien juardo
I fell in love with a girl of nineteen
A black-haired girl I called Abilene
Young girl, where's your husband?
Sadly, she replied, I do not have one
Then it's you I'll marry with your parents' permission
No fine sir, they will not let me marry
For I am a young girl
And you are a man without money
Then I'll come by your window
Tonight when they both will be sleeping
Outside your window in a carriage I will be waiting
They'll awake to find you gone
Open their eyes and think they're dreaming
And never did they think
That their Abilene would leave them
Now fine sir, where is it you shall take me?
Is it in the mountains high
Or is it the deep blue sea?
abilene by damien juardo
I fell in love with a girl of nineteen
A black-haired girl I called Abilene
Young girl, where's your husband?
Sadly, she replied, I do not have one
Then it's you I'll marry with your parents' permission
No fine sir, they will not let me marry
For I am a young girl
And you are a man without money
Then I'll come by your window
Tonight when they both will be sleeping
Outside your window in a carriage I will be waiting
They'll awake to find you gone
Open their eyes and think they're dreaming
And never did they think
That their Abilene would leave them
Now fine sir, where is it you shall take me?
Is it in the mountains high
Or is it the deep blue sea?
Friday, January 23, 2009
so much for that
i started a blog yesterday, but i went to do my homework and forgot..so now i'm trying to make up for it.
here's what's up today:
i've been learning a lot from that guy, stephen. most people just know him from anberlin, but he also writes good blogs, and wrote an amazing novel. in his novel, the lead character, aiden, is introduced as a post-college barista with a fragile future, and after tragedy and facing the unknown, he finally realizes his purpose.
i think it's amazing to realize that anyone could be an aiden; people you run inti every day have secret pain and struggles that are never seen. it is our job to be jesus to them, i really don't care how that sounds, it's the most truthful thing i have thought of in a while.
so that's what i'm working on this week.
here's what's up today:
i've been learning a lot from that guy, stephen. most people just know him from anberlin, but he also writes good blogs, and wrote an amazing novel. in his novel, the lead character, aiden, is introduced as a post-college barista with a fragile future, and after tragedy and facing the unknown, he finally realizes his purpose.
i think it's amazing to realize that anyone could be an aiden; people you run inti every day have secret pain and struggles that are never seen. it is our job to be jesus to them, i really don't care how that sounds, it's the most truthful thing i have thought of in a while.
so that's what i'm working on this week.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
later resolutions
I'm now resolving to blog every day.
We'll see how long this lasts...
more later today. :)
We'll see how long this lasts...
more later today. :)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
paper tigers
so, lately i've had a lot of time to think...
and here's what's pouring out.
-anberlin was absolutely amazing. it was THE best live show i've ever been too, as well as the best anberlin show i've seen. they have truly outdone themselves. i'm kind of obsessed...haha but really, amazinggg job on their part. it's kind of funny, it was the first show where i didn't dress grungy, fight my way to the front, and worry about everyone else there. i really just enjoyed it. it was a nice perspective to have. another thing that made it better is the fact that i'm reading Stephen Christian's novel, and it's offering me such an incredible insight into their lyrics. he really love this one lady, christa paffgen (also known as nico), who was a german singer/dancer/model. she was the velvet underground, and was also a solo artist. she wrote a song called paper tigers, which was on the playlist for the novel. it's cool to see kind of an extension of your favorite musician's creative life. it's great to be able to completely appreciate the work of an artist. another amazing thing that happened was that Staphen Christian actually emailed me in a reply to an email i sent him about his blog. for the first time in a while, i actually like a band all encompassingly, instead of just pieces of the work.
-another thing coming up is a possible trip to new york with faceless international. i don't know very much, it's in new york city in july, and we would be teaching awareness of water privitization. more details to come.
-i finally finished my schedule for AASU, and i think i'm really beginning to fall into psychology.
i'm taking intro to psych, so i'm hoping i'll still love it in a few weeks...we'll see.
-from here, i feel like i have a great yea ahead.
"keep your head up, chin tiger."
-stephen christian
and here's what's pouring out.
-anberlin was absolutely amazing. it was THE best live show i've ever been too, as well as the best anberlin show i've seen. they have truly outdone themselves. i'm kind of obsessed...haha but really, amazinggg job on their part. it's kind of funny, it was the first show where i didn't dress grungy, fight my way to the front, and worry about everyone else there. i really just enjoyed it. it was a nice perspective to have. another thing that made it better is the fact that i'm reading Stephen Christian's novel, and it's offering me such an incredible insight into their lyrics. he really love this one lady, christa paffgen (also known as nico), who was a german singer/dancer/model. she was the velvet underground, and was also a solo artist. she wrote a song called paper tigers, which was on the playlist for the novel. it's cool to see kind of an extension of your favorite musician's creative life. it's great to be able to completely appreciate the work of an artist. another amazing thing that happened was that Staphen Christian actually emailed me in a reply to an email i sent him about his blog. for the first time in a while, i actually like a band all encompassingly, instead of just pieces of the work.
-another thing coming up is a possible trip to new york with faceless international. i don't know very much, it's in new york city in july, and we would be teaching awareness of water privitization. more details to come.
-i finally finished my schedule for AASU, and i think i'm really beginning to fall into psychology.
i'm taking intro to psych, so i'm hoping i'll still love it in a few weeks...we'll see.
-from here, i feel like i have a great yea ahead.
"keep your head up, chin tiger."
-stephen christian
Thursday, January 1, 2009
two thousand and nine
2009 reasons to better myself.
but for now,
anberlin next week :)
not to be such a creeper, but they truly are my favorite band.
second only to common's resurrection, anberlin's cities is one of my favorite concept albums of all time. that may not mean much because i'm only 18, but to me, it's a lot.
their music means so much to me. i've loved them since i was 12, and i don't think i'll stop for a while...haha
but anyways, one song in particular from cities means a lot to me,
it's called hello alone.
the lyrics aren't really unordinary, that is as far as stephen christian's writing is concerned, but the last chorus almost always make me take a deep breath:
Is anybody out there?
Hello, hello
Broken hearts like promises
Are left for lesser knowns
Is anybody out there?
Alone, alone
From a lesser known I’m here
And there’s hope, there’s hope
those lines are so powerful to me,
especially the line, "from a lesser known, I'm here."
what is a lesser known, you may ask?
well, it's someone who just lives.
an unordinary person who has nothing better to do than simply existing.
they need to realize that "there's more to living than being alive."
after a brush with dramatic events over the past few years, listening to cities has truly inspired me to live, and to transcend the ordinary.
i'm not living for just myself anymore, and i know this life's not about me.
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